Hi Lovers - its Nedell here today. i wanted to talk about something that's been playing on my mind for a really long time.. something im hoping we can discuss.

 

my children's dad and i have been parenting apart for the past 12 months. although NOW we communicate better, our kids are happier & we are finally doing whats best for them -

we drive eachother insane, have had a lot of disagreements, tears & yes - even laughs through this entire process.

 

i wanted to share with my single mama & papas out there some tips & tricks ive picked up to manage those co-parenting struggles! - hands up if you feel me*

 

so here's a few of my tips, tricks - *advice* that's worked for me. it may not work for you, & you may not even agree - but id love to discuss this with you guys. let me know your thoughts.

 

LETS GO!



 

1. LESS IS MORE

keep conversations short & sweet - & keep to the point.

once you've decided that your not together, please refrain from bringing up the past every time something doesnt go to plan. it's hard - but its nessesary. otherwise, you go from one disagreement to a 30 minute argument about what happened 5 years ago. updates on the children, need to knows & holiday plans are safe zones. be civil - its in the best interest of the children

 

2. DONT FALL INTO THE TRAP

Yes! sometimes they do just want to argue with you on the phone or via text - little advice, HANG UP! you're not together anymore - you made the decision to walk away.. so yes! you can also walk away from that. and vise versa, dont get upset if they dont engage in your picks at them. its not nessesary. lets all women up and have some class. its easier said than done - BELIEVE ME!

 

3. USE YOUR SUPPORTS

it does get hard going it alone, sometimes we just want to be independant and go it alone - sometimes we dont have a choice - but being able to ask for help when you need it IS A MUST! if interactions dont go well during exchanges, take someone with you to mediate - organise with grandparents, an aunt or uncle - or your best friend. the ones willing to help are the ones you need. and sometimes you just need an extra someone there to keep the bickering at a minimum.

 

4. MUTUAL GROUNDS

if, like me, pick ups & drop offs dont go well at home - then do it somewhere mutual. the park, your parents - anywhere! you're not there for a long time.. you're there for your kids.

 

5. BE AN ADULT

there's nothing i hate more than a parent who uses their child/children as amo. you made them together, dont let your issues get in the way of their relationship with their other parent. i know some situations are different but this is directed specifically at the ones who keep kids from the other parent as a punishment. it happens.. its ugly & uyour only hurting your kids.

 

6. LISTEN TO YOUR KIDS

at first i was all about my spending every single holiday with Dad. they didnt want to at first & then miss 5 told me that it was too long away from Mum. so instead, now we do 1 week with Dad, one week with Mum during the holidays. when she digs her feet in and blatantly refuses to go, we talk about it & some how manage to get her into the car. she's fine when she's there, its getting her there! i try to avoid MAKING her do things she doesnt want to - i dont want her to feel like she doesnt have a voice and it generally makes the process easier. as the holidays go along they now start looking forward to it - its exciting! rather than something forced up on them.

 

7. KEEP IN CONTACT WITH EXTENDED FAMILY

sometimes it's just plain easier - or more difficult, depending on the relationship - to keep in touch with grandparents, aunts & uncles - cousins, and all that. it just makes life easier knowing who the family are and its great for the kids too. they know their family, and you have far more support people.

 

8. STAY OUT OF THE DRAMA

yip - people will talk crap about you. its human nature, who cares! as long as you know whats going on in your back yard, who really cares about what insignificant people have to say? theres no point getting worked up over what he said, she said. remember... big girl pants!

 

9. MIND YOUR MOUTH

i make it a point to never talk bad about my kids Dad. unless its venting to my Mum or my best friend. thats - about - it. its morally an amazing habbit to keep. its easy to get caught up in the drama of it all - and OMG there's a hell of a lot of that - but the emotional strife that gives you isnt worth it. you wouldnt like if the kids were exposed to that kind of talk about you. we're growing good people here so make an effort.

 



10. STAY FRIENDS

obviously you wont be having sleep overs, going party time together - or having casual catch up gossip sessions - but you have children together. you will have eachother in your lives forever. they know you better than most people & know how to piss you off. as long as you can remain civil & have good conversations - support eachother with the kids & feel better off with where life has taken you... trust me, you're doing it right.

 

HUGE props to all the single parents out there

you're all amazing, wonderful humans

& id love to hear your feedback.

 

theres so much i still am getting used to

and lots i still need to learn

but i think if we support eachother, we'll get there

 

Just keep your little darlings in the forefront of all you do, and you'll be fine. here are my little inspirations xo arent they gorgeous!

 

 

 

 

- Stay Beautiful